How to Sunscreen a Toddler

1. Lure toddler into living room with the promise of M&M's.
2. Reach for toddler, miss, and chase him around the house for 20 minutes.
3. Find toddler hiding in the pantry behind the cat food.
4. Grab toddler and drag him kicking and screaming out of the pantry.
5. Put toddler in time out for biting finger off.
6. Chase toddler again, corner him, and wrestle to the ground.
7. Coat half an arm with sunscreen.
8. Lose grip on greasy toddler.
9. Chase toddler again.
10. Continue steps 1 through 9 until toddler is fully coated.
11. Sneak a shot of vodka.
12. Repeat every two hours.

Sound familiar?

I recently had the opportunity to review KINeSYS sunscreen for PBN. I received a full size 4 ounce spray, a 1 oz cream for kids, a sunscreen stick, and a 1 oz spray for kids, all with 30 spf. It works great.

I used the full size spray on myself. It coated quickly with no rubbing and dried in under a minute. Good, but I'm much easier than two squirmy toddlers. The true test for KINeSYS was H&H.

At the zoo this weekend, I tried out the small kids' spray on H&H. What I loved? The spray is nice and wide and covered a toddler leg with a couple of quick squirts. It was almost as easy as using an aerosol sunscreen, which is important to me. Have you ever tried to cover a 3 year old with cream sunscreen quickly? Yeah, it's not possible. (See list above.) I'd have to physically restrain Hollis in order to use a cream on him. We've been using spray sunscreen since he was an infant, but they're still slow and it seems like the nozzle gets clogged if you turn the bottle the wrong way. If a bottle of sunscreen clogs, it gives H&H precious seconds to escape. (See list above again.)

In contrast to the brand we were using before, the KINeSYS covered both kidlets in a matter of seconds.

The sunscreen also held up to several hours in the sun combined with several trips through the zoo fountains. No burns.

I wasn't able to try out the stick sunscreen. I like the idea of a stick sunscreen in theory and thought that it would be nice for the kids' faces. Do you think they sat still long enough for me to apply it? (See list above. Again.) I ended up squirting the spray into my hands and applying it to their faces. I didn't even bother to apply the cream to the kids. I knew it wasn't going to happen. (See list above for the final time.)

Overall, I really liked this sunscreen. If I can find it in stores, I'll use it again in the spray form. If it helps me avoid the sunscreen battle, it's priceless!

"Sunscreen? We don't need no stinking sunscreen!"

Now I hope y'all aren't expecting me to include poop in every review. I try my best, but I just couldn't figure out how to work it into a sunscreen review. Sorry.

Can Your Child Poop His A,B,C's?

When I received my review copy of PBS Kids' new animated series Word World, I glanced at the box, thought, "yeah, it looks interesting," and tossed it aside, but I wasn't really expecting much. Then I picked up another copy at BlogHer, figuring I could give it to my sitter if the kids liked it. I finally remembered I had to review it about a week ago and busted it out for the kids shortly before nap time one weekend.

I wish we had watched it sooner. The kids love it. They were mesmerized for 15 minutes of each of the 3 episodes, which means that I love it.

The video I received through the Parent Bloggers Network, features 2 episodes, "Runaway O" and "The Birds." The press review copy I received at BlogHer has 2 episodes, "Runaway O" and "Happy Birthday Dog," as well as a cute little intermission where the characters - animals made from the letters that make up their names - play instruments. Every instrument is spelled out - D R U M - and then the letters pop together to form a drum. Cute and entertaining.

Each episode covers skills like letter knowledge and phonics, but the show doesn't whack kids over the head with "learning." The skills are deftly woven into a colorful world of words where many nouns are cleverly constructed of letters. The ant is made from the letters a, n, & t. The pig, P, I, and G. Each episode is short enough to keep the kids engaged, but long enough for me to throw some laundry in the wash.

Every episode has at least one moment where all the letter animals "Build a Word" while grooving to some New Order-esque music. My 19 month old love this part and will get up and dance. The kids both spell along with the animals and this is a big thing. Hollis, my oldest, at nearly 3, is not a participatory perform-on-demand-for-Dora type of toddler. It takes a lot for a cartoon to engross Hollis, but he asks to watch "Happy Birthday, Dog" every. single. day.

The only thing that annoys me about the show (aside from watching it 5,003,456 times) is that Duck sounds just like Beverlie Leslie on Will and Grace to me. I keep expecting Karen to show up declaring, "Duck is a homosexual," but that slight annoyance doesn't outweigh the bonus benefit: potty training!

After my kids burned through 45 minutes of Word World on the first day, Hollis had to go "poopy on the potty," where he proceeded to poop an "L." He was so excited he had to tell me all about it and have me admire it. Now to spare y'all, I didn't take photos so you can stop averting your eyes now. Over the next few days he proceeded to poop a C, a T, and an X. I think he was most excited about the X.

We're very proud.

At this point I am pretty much ready to offer my body to the creators of this show in return for new episodes. Because anything that gets my son excited about both letters and going to the potty is worthy of adulation. And cake. Lots of cake.

More importantly, both kids seem to actually be learning how to spell simple words. This is something I did not expect. My 19 month old goes around saying, "B-O-X, BOX!" and "C-A-K-E, CAKE!" Here's a clip of Holden during the "Build a Word" groove-out, wherein the animals spell Box in "Runaway O."




You can watch a preview of the show at World Word's website. I love the preview because Sheep sings about how bad she is and then says "And by bad, you know that I mean good." She's a sheep after my own heart.

World Word starts September 3rd on PBS Kids and it won't be a moment too soon for me. I think I've seen "Runaway O" at least 500 times. I will be TIVO'ing every new episode with glee.

Who knows? Maybe Hollis will start pooping out full sentences.

It could happen.

What Quality Time?

Warning, warning! Rampant, unchecked sarcasm ahead!

This morning I had to wait in line to use the ATM near my office. There was a guy there servicing it, he swore he'd be done in 30 seconds (he lied), and it was too damn hot to walk a block to the next ATM. I'm lazy. Anyway, an older couple (maybe mid-sixties, clearly tourists) was in line behind me. As I was fishing my debit card out of my purse, I dropped a boat load of my narcissistic Lawyer Mama magnets all over the sidewalk. As you know, they have an adorable picture of newborn Hollis on them. The apparently nice couple helped me pick up my crap and the female of the couple asked about Hollis.

While the technician in front of us took as long as humanly possible to refix the ATM face plate, the woman proceeded to tell me about her daughter and her three grandsons. She was perfectly nice and then for some apparent reason she kept rambling on and told me that her daughter was staying home with them instead of working and that her children would thank her one day.

Okey dokey then. You have a nice day too then.

In the past, I've faced criticism for being a working mom. I don't mean "working" in the sense of prostitution, but I do work outside of the home full time. Comments I've heard include:

One day you'll realize the time that you've wasted.

Your children will look back and wonder why you didn't love them enough to stay
home.

And my personal favorite:

Being a mom and staying home with your children is every woman's biological
destiny. Why would you deny God's plan for you?

So, in honor of the thoughtless grandmother I encountered this morning, and because I always take these comments very seriously, I've decided to share what our family does with all of the quality family time that we do have:

We sit around and watch TV.

We park the kids in front of the TV and do our own thing so that we can pretend we never had them.

(And yes, I'm fulfilling my destiny as a bad mother.)

This post is brought to you in conjunction with Parent Bloggers Network & EA’s Wii-Boogie, a family gaming experience. Shake it. Sing it. Create it. I'm sure this post wasn't quite what they had in mind, but I'm feeling bitchy today.

And please don't take this post seriously. I may be a snarky bitch, but I'm not a bad mother. I am 75% certain that both my kids will graduate from high school some day and still be speaking to me when they reach adulthood.