Isn't Breastfeeding Gross?

Put down the torches and pitchforks and read the post before you string me up, OK?

PBN is having a fantabulous Blog Blast, cataloguing all the stupid questions we've been asked as pregnant women or new moms. It was hard to choose because I've been asked a few doozies.

Question: "Are you sure you aren't having twins?"
Answer: "No, I'm just a cow."

Question (Noting my obvious pregnancy and my child under the age of one): "Do you know what causes that? Because I can help you out if you don't."
Answer: "Why yes, I do know what causes that. I'm just trying to live up to my white trash roots, thanks."

Question: "What are you having?"
Answer: "Um, a puppy. What do you think?"

Question (upon hearing that I'm having another boy): "I guess you'll have to have another one then, won't you? So you can buy all the girly stuff?"
Answer: "No, actually, we've decided to raise our second boy as a girl so my life can have the meaning that only lace frilled, pink onesies can provide."

But my absolute favorite was "Isn't breastfeeding gross? You aren't going to do that are you?"

What I actually said: "Um, yeah, I think I'm going to give it a try."

What I wish I'd said: "So that explains why your kids are so stupid."

I don't actually think that people who don't breastfeed or aren't able to breastfeed are intellectually harming their children. C'mon! You know me! Or at least some of you do. I've talked about my breastfeeding woes before. With Hollis it was a struggle. Even though he was born at 37 weeks, the IUGR (that's intrauterine growth retardation) rendered him unable to suck. And I have flat nipples.

Hold it, was that too much information? Great. Now every perv in the blogosphere is going to find my site doing inappropriate Google searches.

But anyway, I nursed Holden quite successfully in private. In public, I constantly felt like I had to justify myself to every Tom, Dick & Harry who came by to gawk at my boobs. And boy do the gawkers come out when you are showing absolutely none of your breast, but there's a baby there who is obviously nursing. Even when draped in a blanket. C'mon, people! You can see more boob in People magazine!

So what are the worst questions you've been asked as a new mom or when pregnant? Don't you wish you could have just handed them this? Or at least had the book handy to smack them in the head?

If you'd like to play, go check out the rules at PBN. PBN will pick two random winners of an iPod Shuffle and an autographed book. I'm all about the free stuff.